No One Ever Told Us We Could Keep It
Stop rushing to release your energy. Start living from it.
I used to think this kind of energy was something you were supposed to release.
So that’s what I did, without ever questioning it.
I didn’t realize I could stay with it.
Lately, I’ve been living with an energy in my body I don’t fully know how to explain.
It’s not just sexual. It moves, it rises, and at times I can feel it reach all the way into my chest—like a warmth that spreads and lingers there.
And instead of releasing it, I’ve been staying with it.
Letting it build and circulate, then using it—in my workouts, in my writing, sometimes just to move through my day with a different kind of presence.
It feels like I’m living with a current running through me—energizing, creative, and honestly… joyful.
I don’t know exactly when it started, but somewhere between letting go of a marriage that was no longer in alignment, starting to dance again, and actually living inside my body instead of just thinking about it, something shifted.
I didn’t force it or follow a perfect routine. I just came back to myself—and this is what was waiting.
And yes, there are small ways I’ve been meeting my body daily.
I’m giving myself space to feel more, to follow sensation instead of shutting it down, and to stay with that energy without immediately needing to release it.
It’s not that I don’t release it.
It’s that I don’t rush to.
What I’m realizing is that this energy was never just about sex. That’s simply the only place most of us were taught to put it.
No one ever told us we could keep it.
And once you realize you can, you start relating to your body differently.
Some traditions, like tantra, have always known this—
that this isn’t just energy meant for release…
this is life force energy—eros—something your body can move, expand, and create with.
And once you feel it that way, it changes what you do with it.
I had learned this before—through tantra. But knowing something and actually feeling it in your body are two very different things.
This is the first time it’s felt real.
There was a time I felt completely disconnected.
By the end of the day, I was done in a way that wasn’t just physical. I’d move from one thing to the next, barely noticing myself, then collapse into bed and start again.
Looking back, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I was just living in a way that kept me out of touch with my body.
What changed wasn’t one big thing. It was a series of small shifts.
I stopped overriding what I felt and started paying attention to what actually felt good—even in small ways.
I gave my body a language again.
For me, that was dance.
There’s a moment, in the middle of a song, where I stop thinking about the steps. My shoulders drop, my hips soften, and my breath deepens without me trying.
I’m not performing or getting it right.
I’m just in it.
And then it started showing up elsewhere.
In my body, in quiet moments, in the middle of my day.
That’s when it clicked—this wasn’t just about dance.
I slowed down in small moments—just enough to notice.
Standing in the shower a few seconds longer and actually feeling the water hit my skin.
Pausing mid-step and noticing how tense my body was, then letting my shoulders drop and feeling that immediate shift.
I stopped forcing connection where it didn’t feel right.
That alone freed up more energy than I expected.
And without realizing it at first, I stopped rushing past sensation.
There were moments where I would have immediately tried to distract myself.
Instead, I started working with it.
A lot of that came through meditation—learning how to sit with sensation without needing to change it right away. And breathwork, which helped me follow the energy as it moved—rising from the lower parts of my body into my chest.
Other times, it’s subtler.
Just sitting with it long enough to feel my body expand slightly, like it’s making more room. I’m not forcing anything. I’m just letting the energy circulate instead of cutting it off or rushing to release it.
And the more I did that, the more things shifted.
Not just in my body… but in how I moved through my life.
Even at work, I notice it.
I’m sitting on the floor with a toddler, being silly, making sounds, completely present—and there it is again.
That same aliveness.
No effort. No trying.
Just being in my body.
Now when I look back, I can see that I didn’t follow a formula.
I removed what was disconnecting me.
I added more of what made me feel alive in my body.
And I stayed long enough to notice what was already there.
Most of us were never taught what to do with this kind of energy.
So we learned two options: shut it down or release it.
But there’s another way.
You can stay with it.
You can work with it.
And when you do, it doesn’t just stay in one place—it moves, expands, and starts to shape your life.
Because this isn’t just energy you feel.
It’s energy you create with.
The more I’ve allowed it to move through me, the more I’ve noticed something shifting.
I make different choices.
I follow what feels alive instead of what makes sense on paper.
And slowly, the life I once thought about—the things I hoped for—are starting to take form.
Opportunities show up.
Conversations change.
Relationships shift.
Not because I forced anything, but because I’m moving from a different place.
And that’s when it really clicked for me.
I didn’t need to learn how to feel more.
I needed to stop rushing past what I was feeling.
Because when I did…
this energy wasn’t something I had to manage anymore.
It became something I could live from.
I’m not doing anything extraordinary.
I’m just not rushing past what I’m feeling anymore.
I’m living from it.